So This is a Thing

bison

This Christmas tree ornament is made of bison feces.

Is that a sentence that has ever been written? Read it again, just for the fun of it. It is not only an existent sentence, but one with true referents in the world. Is that a sign of the rise or the fall of humanity? Is our species in its waning years? Is this a triumph of human creativity or the death throes of a gnarled and dying limb on Darwin’s tree of evolution–momentarily about to break off in the slightest gust.

Is the bison poopornament, poornament, a gag gift? Yes, but if you read the “artist’s” website it is SO much more.

“For those that buy one of my pieces of art, I wish you a lifetime of enjoyment. And if it forever brings a smile to your soul, I will have considered it a JOB WELL DUNG!”  —Victor Bruha

Middle school science teacher puns? Poop made into “art” that could possibly fulfill the category “a lifetime of enjoyment?”

I can have a lifetime of  enjoyment for the low low price of $13.99!?

NOTHING CREATES A LIFETIME OF ENJOYMENT! Haven’t you read the Four Noble Truths! But if something did, obviously, the Buddha would have said fecal based ornaments.

Wrapping your head around this slough of quasi art, quasi gag gift, quasi sustainable Native American eco-spiritualism, and complete Frankenstein horror, is like reading an Edger Allen Poe story. Something terrible is coming. You’re about to boarded up in a wall, or the body of a dead man is going to be under the floorboards that you stand on, sipping your Amontillado.

Do I dare attempt to trespass on this quire? Shall we sojourn like Dante to the bottom of this Inferno?

The first question before all others is, “Why in the world would anyone do this?”.
It is a good question, however the answer is simply, “Why not?“. –“Why Make Bison Dung Paper?

Yes. Yes we must sojourn, when the answer to why this horror product exists is the same as a second grader’s to your query: “Why did you stick seven crayons up your nose Kyle?”

obvious7It’s like those painfully obvious signs that make you realize, there is a reason for those signs.  People lack common sense.

Don’t make poop art. There it is said. Making poop art is like cheating on your lover for cheating on you. Everyone loses in the end. Everyone is a little dirtier, on the outside and on the inside.

About C.P.

Collin is a professional writer and scholar. He holds an MA in Philosophy and a BA in English literature. His philosophical work has appeared in print published by Wiley/Blackwell and Open Court. More of his writings, philosophical, literary, comic, and just plain nonsensical are available online. He currently lives in Seattle where he is writing science fiction, dressing up for Cons, and wreaking havoc on his opponents (npcs and tabletop humans alike).
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